Bonnie Tyler Owes Me Serenity

In recovery, we are sometimes encouraged to “remember our last drunk.” While this sounds dangerously nostalgic on paper, in practice it’s a technique to combat those occasional thoughts of “I could have just one,” “I’ll be able to control it this time,” etc. After all, how better to convince ourselves not to drink than to think about whatever gutter incident made us realize how alcoholic we actually were?

I personally do not remember my last drunk, on account of I was asleep for most of it. However, after tonight, I have a new memory to work with in its place. If I ever catch myself thinking it’s okay to have a drink, all I’ll have to do is conjure up visions of being trapped in a leather shop and listening against my will to a barful of sloshed gay men belting “Total Eclipse of the Heart” at the tops of their lungs.

If that shit doesn’t keep me sober, nothing will.

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