[Despite the signs all over the damn place that state we can only have two customers in the store at any given time, a group of four people — including a straight woman wearing a purple unicorn horn — try to squeeze in at once.]
Me: “Hey, guys, I can only have two customers in here.”
Straight Woman: [pointing to the man next to her] “Oh, it’s fine. We’re married, so we count as one.”
Me: “That is not how this works.”
Straight Woman: [winning smile]
Me: “Two of you need to get out. Now.”
She huffed a bit at that, but realizing I would not be swayed, the group had a brief conference in the doorway (right next to the sign that says, “Please Don’t Block the Doorway”) and decided to take their business elsewhere.
I probably could’ve been a little nicer to them, but frankly, her unicorn horn was pissing me off ferociously.
That and, y’know, her attempt to use heterosexual privilege to override the rules in a gay bar, because her marriage is ever so much more authoritative than our piddling little sodomite health guidelines.
But mainly just that fucking horn.
I told Ben this story, and he was like, “You should’ve said, ‘You may be one in the eyes of God, but He doesn’t work here.” This is why Ben has a career in Hollywood, while I have a desk job.