It’s when you can’t hear the wombats. That’s when you know the wombats are coming.

So this past Saturday, Robert texted me all, “I’m activating the Facets phone tree!” Apparently, the show’s regular 4th-Saturday crew had cancelled unexpectedly, and our producer was hoping we could come fill in for them. I didn’t have anything on my agenda (other than sleep), so I threw a Halloween-themed playlist together and headed down to the station for some laid-back, gay talk radio. And then suddenly there were all these Australians, and everyone was yelling about pink camouflage onesies, and I don’t remember the rest.

But yeah, give it a listen. The segment on drop bears is very educational.

I normally vet song lyrics pretty meticulously, but the following track somehow slipped past my radar. Fortunately, I was listening to it in the car on the way into town and caught the uncensored ‘fuckboy’ that would’ve brought the FCC raging down upon us. You’re very welcome, people who put me in charge of things.

We’re accepting paper, cotton, and clocks, depending on the gift list to which you ascribe.

Last night marked the one-year anniversary of Facets of Leather, and we celebrated that milestone by completely forgetting about it. We did, however, bring back our “Ask Thomas” segment, and next month we’re debuting “Ask Robert,” so let fly with the trick questions via Facebook or Twitter and see if you can stump us. Prizes awarded if you manage to make one of us curse on the air.

Speaking of forgetting, I keep adding the following song to our playlist, and we keep blowing right past it. But the refrain is the EDM equivalent of “I wish I knew how to quit you,” so feel free to scream it at the unrequited love of your choice.

Australian Possums Are Cuter Than American Possums, and Other Hard-Hitting Headlines of Relevance to the Leather Community

As has become tradition, Facets of Leather superfan Orin Slade created a meme abstraction of last night’s episode, and this one is without a damn doubt my new favorite:

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The pin on the possum’s Muir cap says “Team Hades.” The number of religious-themed gifts in my Zazzle shop is about to quadruple.

Robert and I also spent an inordinate amount of time comparing and contrasting the regional differences in Episcopalian Eucharist ettiquette, because I don’t know why we did, either. Hopefully, at least one of our listeners has a High Protestant fetish. You’re welcome, That Guy.

This month’s forgotten track was not actually on our playlist, since the artist hasn’t released it for sale (we played this one instead). However, I am a fool for electronic breakup anthems turned into acoustic, sexually-ambiguous breakup anthems, so I’m sharing it here anyway. Robert says the song would be easier to listen to if McKillen took his clothes off. While I’m inclined to agree, I’d rather focus my energies on talking him into covering “I Touch Myself” next.

My New Drag Name is Train Wreck Debauchery

I took some notes during last night’s Facets of Leather, but I failed to write down why I was taking notes, and as such I am presently staring at a piece of scratch paper with the following phrases scribbled across it:

-Wheel of Morality

-Higher Powers Against Humanity

-lesbian glory holes (how?)

I’m sure it all makes sense in context. Much like the official video of the song we neglected to play.

Shall we? (Hint: We shall.)

I now wear a t-shirt over a leather jacket, because I all I really want is to watch the world burn.

Once again, the nectarious Orin Slade managed to sum up last night’s Facets of Leather far more gloriously than I ever could:

If you’re not listening to on this month’s broadcast, here’s a sample of what you’ve missed so far. Event information, humorous leather stories. The continuing battle between the harness with shirt people vs the harness without shirt people…

IMG_20180715_033509Official synopsis aside, I discovered this episode’s overlooked track the last time I was at the Hidden Door in Dallas, when I glanced up at the monitor over the back bar and caught some of the video and thought, “I don’t… I don’t understand why this is happening to me.” But later I was able to listen to the song itself, and I totes fell in love: It’s like the Petshop Boys and Robbie Williams had an illegitimate love child that escaped into the woods to be raised by Jamiroquai, and I do believe you’ll find it doesn’t suck.

Songs in the Key of Kween

Instead of recapping last night’s show, I’ve decided to share a tweet from the indelible Orin Slade:

If you’re not listening to @mjforgeries on Facets of Leather right now, here’s some of what you’ve missed so far!

FoLJuneMeme

Eerily accurate.

Robert picked all the music this time around, and to commemorate my return from IML, he thoughtfully chose tracks (including the following) that relate to beauty pageants. Rub some Vaseline on those dry teeth and enjoy.

A Clusterbubble of Raspberries

We tried so hard to have a serious Facets of Leather this month, you guys. Right out of the gate, we tackled the issues of consent and conduct within the Leather community, and we were sort of staying on topic and everything — and then suddenly it was two hours later, and I was doing an impersonation of what it would sound like if Carol Channing competed at IML, and our producers were either laughing hysterically or weeping uncontrollably. It was hard to tell with their faces buried in their hands.

Oh, and Robert almost cursed on the air again, but he caught himself when the rest of us lunged for the delay button. We didn’t end up having to push it, though, since he managed to replace the “fuck” that was about to fly out of his mouth with the first word that popped into his head. And that’s the story of how “clusterbubble” became my new favorite expletive and/or drag name.

In a stunning time management upheaval, we were finally able to play every song on our list, including Magic Dance from Labyrinth. After the show, I mentioned to Robert that the lyrics were a lot creepier than I remembered, and he was like, “Well, yeah, but still not as creepy as that Carpenters cover in MirrorMask.

I had no choice but to agree. And now, my lovelies, neither do you.

Fatal Emoticon

Last night’s episode of Facets of Leather was a lot like the Ben & Jerry’s flavor “Everything But The…” in that we literally talked about everything but the leather. We had an ungodly amount of fun, though, which included an editorial review of everyone’s favorite pulp romance The Notary, along with a dramatic retelling of the time I texted Robert the sordid details of a murderous crime of passion:

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I usually post the video of a song we didn’t get to play on the air, but this time I’m going with one we did — mainly because of its archetypical thematic elements, reminiscent of Joseph Campbell’s The Hero with a Thousand Faces, but also because it’s gayer than Christmas.

There’s a little Kira in all of us, you know? (Unless you share a checkered past with Robert, in which case you’ll want to switch out “Kira” for “Quaalude.”)

Sea Rovers All Over My Harness

I am overjoyed to announce that Facets of Leather has received its first five-star review, from none other than noted leatherperson Vincent Andrews!

Vince’s take on the show: “Stimulating and comical at just the right moments. I enjoy the balance of laughs and opinions regarding our culture of Leather.”

And his take on me personally: “The little shit is quick on his feet.”

The little shit is your humble servant, Mr. Andrews.

This month’s episode focused on cultural appropriation and Adam Rippon’s Oscar attire (a.k.a. “Harnessgate”), along with another round of IML prep questions and random tangents about patron saints and gay pirates. There was a particular Cazwell song that we wanted to add to our playlist, but we ultimately decided it was too explicit, which of course didn’t stop us from reciting the lyrics on the air.

And then Robert dropped an F-bomb. I’m not really sure why we try.

PS: Since we didn’t play the track in question during the broadcast, I’ve included it below for your consideration. The girl who paints her face like a disco ball is my new favorite superhero.

Airing It Out

Last night’s Facets of Leather was all about preparing for the interview portion of IML. We asked our listeners to send in challenging and/or wildly inappropriate questions for me to answer with poise and grace, and my God, you did not disappoint. However, before anyone listens to the full episode, I need to issue a few apologies.

To our producer: I’m sorry I said “shit” during the live broadcast, but in my defense, Robert was trying to make me solve math problems. There are reasons why I was a Liberal Arts major, and math is them.

To the hosts of the Zydeco show that comes on right after us: Had I known you were already in the production booth, I would never have barged out of the studio loudly explaining to Robert that the average velocity of human ejaculate is 31 miles an hour. I don’t even know why I know that. But hey, knowledge is power, and you, my friends, are now superheroes.

To Neil DeGrasse Tyson: Regardless of our differing opinions in the field of astrophysics, I should not have announced to the world that your mom thought Pluto was big enough. That was unnecessary. Much like the arbitrary classification of dwarf planets.

Okay, enough with amends. Who wants to hear a song we didn’t get a chance to play on the show, and which is also completely unrelated to the breakup I went through last week? I know I do.