There She Goes Again on Her Own

[Half of the Ripcord regulars are in New Orleans for Southern Decadence, and the other half are in Dallas for ILSb-ICCB, but the bar is packed anyway with heavy drinkers who normally frequent other establishments in the area. Carlisle and my Misfit brother Mike have both dropped in to say hello, and the three of us … Continue reading “There She Goes Again on Her Own”

Putting the Asses in Criminal Assessment

Straight Girl: [to her friend] “FUCK HIM. I AM A GROWN-ASS FUCKING WOMAN WITH MY OWN FUCKING HOME, AND I DO NOT NEED HIS SORRY FUCKING ASS TELLING ME WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. NOBODY TELLS MY FUCKING ASS WHAT TO DO.” [then, to me] “Hello! Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?” I … Continue reading “Putting the Asses in Criminal Assessment”

Poetry in the Brushed Metal Round

Customer: [drunkenly attempting to explain his sex life] “You know what? I’m a man in the streets, and a… uh… fuck me… in… the sheets.” Well said, Wordsworth. Meanwhile, across the store, I heard another customer say to his friends, “Well, let’s ask the cock ring expert,” which I assumed meant me. But no, he … Continue reading “Poetry in the Brushed Metal Round”

Straight on Through to the Other Side

Straight Girl: “I have a question.” Me: “Yes?” Straight Girl: “Is this a bar for, like, men?” Me: “Yes. The majority of Ripcord patrons are gay men.” Straight Girl: “Oh, that’s fine with me!” Me: “Good, because it’s going to have to be.” Straight Girl: “…” Me: [single raised brow] Straight Girl: “I understand completely.” … Continue reading “Straight on Through to the Other Side”

Say It With Corsets

Straight Girl: “Oh my God, this place smells so good.” Gay Best Friend: [to me] “It’s her first time in a leather bar.” Straight Girl: “I LOVE THAT MERRY WIDOW. Birthday. October.” [She marches out of the store.] Gay Best Friend: “…” [Ed. Note: Although he said nothing verbally, the look on his face read, … Continue reading “Say It With Corsets”

Name That Jejune

Straight Girl: [slamming bottle on the counter] “I’d like to buy this Fuckwater!” Me: [blank stare] Straight Girl: “Ha! I just wanted to say ‘Fuckwater.’” Me: [blank stare] Straight Girl: “Ha…” Me: [blank stare] Straight Girl: “…” Me: “$10.81.” Straight Girl: [quietly pays] Many moons ago, I worked at an LGBTQ bookshop/café, and any time straight … Continue reading “Name That Jejune”