Customer: “Hi, I just need a bottle of poppers.” [to his boyfriend] “Which poppers would you like?” Me: “We actually don’t sell poppers.” Customer: “You don’t?” Me: “We don’t. But we do carry solvents and polish removers.” Customer: “OH. Right.” [to his boyfriend] “Which not-poppers would you like?” Part of me wanted to backhand him, but considering allContinue reading Solvent for X
Carlisle, Rok, Nuke, and Nuke’s boyfriend (Scrappy) were all hanging out with me in the store last night, but we could barely hear each other, on account of the music from the bar was blasting at skull-shattering levels. So when Carlisle said something about bubble bath (which made sense in context), everyone else went, “BubbleContinue reading We’re Going to Need a Glass Pipe and a Protractor
Customer: “Which of these solvents is your favorite?” Me: “You know, I don’t use them myself.” Customer: “You don’t use solvents?” Me: “Nah.” [beat] Me: “I use straight-up paint thinner.” Customer: [leaves quickly] One of these days, I’ll finally accept that my terribly droll flavor of sarcastic wit is not to everyone’s delicate taste. But oh, trust,Continue reading Waiting to Inhale
Customer: “Do you carry poppers?” Me: “No.” Customer: “…” Me: “…” Customer: “…” Me: “…” Customer: “Do you carry solvents?” Me: “Right this way!” I’m slowly getting them trained.
Customer: [gesturing to the solvents, attempting to look sly] “Are these… what I think they are?” Me: “Yes, they are.” Customer: “How much is a small bottle?” Me: “$12.99.” Customer: “Would you take $10?” [flashes ten-dollar bill like he’s trying to bribe a maître d’] Me: “No, I would not.” He ended up buying a bottle anyway,Continue reading An Epic Lack of Clapping Back
Customer: “Do you sell poppers?” Me: “No.” Customer: “Oh.” Me: “But we do have a fine selection of solvents and polish removers.” Customer: [blank stare] Me: “Retail establishments in Texas are prohibited from selling alkyl nitrites or any related chemical compounds for recreational purposes. However, we’re able to keep these products in stock, with theContinue reading We also carry video head cleaner, but we’re fresh out of liquid incense