Customer 1: “Which solvent do you personally recommend?” Me: “Amsterdam.” Customer 1: “Awesome! I’ll take a bottle of Amsterdam.” [Later…] Customer 2: “Which solvent is your favorite?”… Read more “We’ve secretly replaced the fine solvents we usually serve with battery acid and patchouli. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference.”
Search Results for: solvent
Solvent for X
Customer: “Hi, I just need a bottle of poppers.” [to his boyfriend] “Which poppers would you like?” Me: “We actually don’t sell poppers.” Customer: “You don’t?” Me: “We don’t.… Read more “Solvent for X”
My Own Hot Take on Open Container Laws
Straight Girl: “I’d like some amyl nitrate, please.” Me: “Ah. Well, it would be illegal for us to sell amyl nitrate for recreational purposes, but we do… Read more “My Own Hot Take on Open Container Laws”
Repeat Business
[The always dapper Ty and his equally fanciable husband Michael have stopped by to say hello, and we’re having a lovely exchange on the dos and don’ts… Read more “Repeat Business”
Flowers for Al-Anon
[A text conversation between myself and Seth, the latest Forge employee, who hasn’t quite adapted to me yet.] Seth: “Double Scorpio just sent us some new solvents… Read more “Flowers for Al-Anon”
And by that, I mean I am “deeply skeptical” about his “alleged sexual orientation.” Thank God for air quotes.
Customer: [arms spread wide] “You took care of me.” Me: “I did?” Customer: “Yes! I bought all the leather I’m wearing at your main store.” Me: “Ah,… Read more “And by that, I mean I am “deeply skeptical” about his “alleged sexual orientation.” Thank God for air quotes.”
But I’m Not Holding My Breath
Customer: “Do you carry those fragranced poppers?” Me: “Actually, we’re not allowed to sell-” Customer: “Oh! Sorry! Wrong word!” Me: [relieved] “No problem.” Customer: “Do you carry… Read more “But I’m Not Holding My Breath”
Building Barns from Bottom to Top
Customer: “Hello! I’d like a bottle of poppers, please.” Me: “Well, we don’t sell poppers, but we do carry a fine selection of solvents and polish removers.”… Read more “Building Barns from Bottom to Top”
The makers of Flonase need to hurry up and offer me an executive position before a competitor whisks me away to sell patented steroid inhalants to children.
Customer 1: “Here are all the poppers.” Customer 2: “We’re not supposed to call them poppers.” Customer 1: “Oh, right. Here are all the sniffles.” Customer 2:… Read more “The makers of Flonase need to hurry up and offer me an executive position before a competitor whisks me away to sell patented steroid inhalants to children.”
Their logo should be a Betamax wearing an ironic fedora
[An online conversation between myself and Nuke.] Nuke: “So we’re going to have to recant all of our artisanal solvent jokes, because we start stocking them tomorrow.”… Read more “Their logo should be a Betamax wearing an ironic fedora”
