Discordian Player

[An online conversation with Nuke, after I’d posted some Discordian stuff on Facebook.]

Nuke: “So what is Discordianism? I’ve heard about a lot of things in passing but never that one.”

Me: “Discordianism was founded in the late 50s by two guys who had a spiritual experience in a bowling alley and decided to start worshiping Eris, the Greek Goddess of Discord. It’s basically a parody religion for conspiracy theorists.”

Nuke: “Well that sounds delightful.”

Me: “It has its moments. It attracts a lot of really fun, hysterical people, along with a bunch of right-wing nutjobs.”

Nuke: “Sounds about right, from what I imagined.”

Me: “There used to be a Discordian commune in Houston, but it disbanded right before I got sober. The Universe was most likely saving me from myself.”

Nuke: “Fun fact — my entire knowledge of Eris stems from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, where they featured her constantly at odds with the Grim Reaper. All she really ever did was show up, scream ‘Chaos,’ and bikinis ensued.”

Nuke: “Hijinks ensued. Not bikinis.”

Nuke: “However, she did wear a bikini-styled yoga, so I’m not entirely wrong.”

Nuke: “Yoga.”

Nuke: “Toga.”

Nuke: “FUCK YOU, SIRI. I SAID WHAT I SAID.”

Me: “I love how your AutoCorrect went splooey as soon as we started talking about Eris.”

Nuke: “SHE KNOWS.”

Another successful conversion. I am going to win a toaster oven.

Speaking of, I recently started reading Chasing Eris (which is awesome and basically the Discordian version of Drawing Down the Moon), so Eris has been on my brain a lot. As of late Friday night, I caved and made the formal decision to write a Discordian book of my own.

On Saturday, I stopped at a convenience store to grab some mouthwash before heading into work. There were a couple of options to choose from, but one bottle in particular jumped out at me (click to embiggen):

Minty apple breath for the fairest.

I’ve never been much of a believer in omens, but the random appearance of Greek Listerine in the midst of me going through a Discordian author phase can only be interpreted as divine encouragement. I’ll be sure to save the bottle and fill it with a custom incense blend created in Eris’ honor. Or possibly Sea-Monkeys. I feel like either would be pleasing to Her.

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