Any Resemblance to Fictional People is Purely Coincidental

[A telephone conversation with Ben.]

Me: “So yesterday’s blog post was kind of a palate cleanser. I figured I needed to take a break from bitching about those anti-Wiccan children on Facebook. But you know how I mentioned Discordian Witchcraft? I did some googling, and it turns out that no one’s written about it yet, so I’m going to write books about it, and then I’m going to go to conferences and be on panels and dress all in black.”

Ben: “With gray and purple accents?”

Me: “Well, of course. Except I need a Five-Fingered Hand of Eris pendant to complete the look, but I couldn’t find a sterling silver one anywhere, so I guess it doesn’t exist, which sucks, even though I did find a cool magnet.”

Ben: “Okay, I need you to rewind and think about that last sentence.”

Me: “Huh?”

Ben: “‘I need this pendant that doesn’t exist, but I found a magnet.’ That was just… peak Thumper.”

Me: “…”

Ben: “Like, if I was writing you as a character, that is word-for-word something I’d have you say.”

Me: “I mean, can anyone ever really have too many magnets?”

Ben: “Listen, I’ve got a box in the garage next to the kaftans packed to the brim with magnets, and… oh, shit, hang on a second. The timer just went off. I’ve gotta finish activating the THC in this weed butter so that I can get the next batch of jazz cookies in the oven.”

Me: “Wow.”

Ben: “Wow?”

Me: “All of that was just… peak Ben.”

Ben: “… Touché”

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