I’m feeling peckish. Skip ahead to the part where we eat babies.

“I’m so happy this group exists. Now I can bitch about Wiccans to other people aside from my friends when I’m drunk.”

I came across a brand new Facebook group yesterday, the purpose of which is to discuss the issue of cultural appropriation within Wicca. In theory I could get behind this, except the group members are displaying no real knowledge or interest in actual history, and are using social justice as a front to merrily bash Wicca without repercussion. Which is really just the whitest thing ever.

The group is currently listed as “public,” meaning that one can read through the posts without having to actively participate, and it’s like a train wreck, y’all. I can’t look away from it. The first line of this entry comes from that group, and the person who posted it later started a thread entitled, “What irks you most about Wicca?” It garnered more than 400 withering responses, all of them pretty much what you’d expect from young, predominantly white people who’ve been given blanket permission to hate something: Wiccans are weak, heteronormative posers who are hobbled by stupid rules, and they can’t curse, and they’re also tyrannical monsters who steal everything, and they’re probably all going to hell for their sick, sexual obsessions, so there.

If it sounds like I’m not taking them seriously, it’s because I’m not. Mostly. I mean, they’re mainly just sheltered twenty-somethings who haven’t experienced Paganism outside of the Internet, but they’re also indulging in depthless gestures of support while scapegoating a demographic deemed “lesser than.” They haven’t done the work (what Phil Hine calls “deconditioning,” and what Paul Huson describes as “unbinding”) to liberate themselves from the perverted Protestant ethics ingrained in our society, so they need an appropriate Devil on whom to place blame, thus absolving themselves from personal responsibility. And that is decidedly not okay.

Below are some of the more hysterical and horrifying comments (It’s a public group, remember, so anyone can read and share the posts), along with my own color commentary at no additional cost. So, let’s see: What irks these people about Wicca?

“Their victimhood fetish & persecution complex.”

Yes. How dare the people we’ve banded together against feel like we’ve banded together against them. But this does sort of highlight the weird contradiction I noticed in the litany of complaints — Wiccans are powerless, yet also a dominant, oppressive force that cannot be resisted. As follows:

“The pressure that magic has to be done ~this way~ usually requiring a lot of resources.”

“It took me a long time for me to accept that my practice can be simple and easy thanks to Wiccan pressure.”

“Yeah I’m pretty sure Wicca is why I’m not into Celtic mythology, as it was my introduction.”

First of all, I am in love with the concept of “Wiccan pressure.” But considering how much disdain these people have for Wicca, you’d think it would maybe have, y’know, less control over them?

“I hate that there’s this element of spiritual gaslighting within it that basically blames you for any kind of suffering you experience while simultaneously expecting you to utilize your suffering in some sort of forced martyrdom. It always made me super uncomfortable and was weaponized against me a lot when I was interested in Wicca.”

Yeah, I have no idea what they’re talking about. But good use of buzzwords!

“I feel like it’s regularly wiccans who want to get all over you for hexing. Like if you don’t want to hex that’s fine, BUT I’m a witch who believes in self-protection and firm boundaries.”

They can “believe” in firm boundaries all they want, but if they’re this affected by people “getting all over” them, they don’t actually have any.

“I have expressed interest in multiple groups only to learn they actually have different roles for men and women and I’m not into it. I’m the femme-est cis women, but I asked if I could choose the men’s role and the technical answer was yes, but I could only choose one.”

So basically, she could’ve taken any role, regardless of gender, but they wouldn’t let her take ALL the roles. Huh. Enjoy that phantom penis, hon.

“The disregard for asexuality. Like sorry I don’t give a shit about fertility.”

Okay. Wicca is, at its core, a fertility cult, but sex (or sexual attraction) and fertility are two very different things, and they are not reliant on one another. Plants and animals that reproduce asexually are still fertile, and fertility itself is not limited to reproduction.

Here are some Merriam-Webster definitions of the word “fertile”:

  • Producing or bearing many crops in great quantities.
  • Characterized by great resourcefulness of thought or imagination; inventive.
  • Affording abundant possibilities for growth or development.

As we’ve discussed before, one does not need to be be heterosexual and/or cisgender to practice Wicca. However, if you fully believe that fertility is, by its very existence, stifling you, you’d probably be better off on a spiritual path that doesn’t feature a bread holiday.

But hey! Let’s talk about sex.

“My ex-friend wanted me to join her Wiccan cult. Luckily she lived in the states so I could only do stuff over the Internet so, you know, I lied. But I’m not unconvinced there wasn’t weird sex stuff happening. Which is awful because the coven was her, her parents, and her parents’ one female friend.”

“OMG! I don’t know that they were wiccan but my friends and I ended up on a thread the other day where a ‘sex educator’ insisted we all must bow to ‘cock power’ as if so many humans aren’t traumatized by that type of thing. They went on to talk about how whether we wanted it or not in order to be fully alive we had to have cock energy in our lives!”

“I saw Goody Cunningham dancing in the woods with Tituba.”

Right. I made that last one up. But hopefully you get the gist, since we’re taking the first tentative steps here into actual alarming territory. Hearsay and speculation are getting framed as fact, and things that have not a damn thing to do with Wicca are under the spotlight as examples of how awful Wicca is.

And that’s some funny-mentalist Christian bullshit right there. The seeds of another Satanic Panic. And these kids are too spellbound by privilege to see it.

In an attempt to get the discourse somewhat back on track, one of the moderators decided to pitch a new topic: “Let’s shift gears from angry to amorous. Share a time that you practiced love or sex magic. How did you do it? Did it work? Absolutely NO shaming allowed.” And of course, the people who, moments before, had been all, “EWWWW SEX,” were now all, “OOOOH SEX,” and posting their favorite love spells, along with the requisite dire warnings about “the pendulum swinging back” on them.

If they ever do get around to deconditioning themselves, the immobilizing belief in pyschosomatic punishment as an unavoidable consequence of witchcraft might be a good place to start.

But then again, I’m one of those dogmatic, no-goodnik Wiccans.

What the fuck do I know?

Author: Thumper (MJ)

Thumper Marjorie Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a devout Discordian, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public

6 thoughts on “I’m feeling peckish. Skip ahead to the part where we eat babies.”

  1. I had bad experiences with Wicca/Wiccans when I first got into witchcraft. It was rough for me to shake it so I don’t think I’d ever return to the path. But the actions of a few shitheads when I was seventeen do not an entire spiritual practice represent. It’s like Wiccans are the new Christians or something.

    Also “Spiritual Gaslighting” is the name of my new Stevie Nicks cover band.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes! I can’t sing, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is cultivating an air of smug superiority while simultaneously condemning those who consider themselves to be superior.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. OH MY GOD I FOUND THE GROUP AND THREAD. What a nightmare. These folks really seem to have a vendetta against… doing good deeds? Not burdening oneself with spite? The concept of Karma? OHH WHOOPS CAN’T SAY KARMA THAT’S CULTURAL APPROPRIATION.

    There goes the rest of my night.

    Liked by 1 person

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