We probably should’ve sung it backwards, just to fully confirm that we’re going to hell.

During a moment of downtime on the last day of GLUE, I found myself in the host hotel’s hospitality suite, lounging about with Ben, Dirk Caber (who’d agreed to be our emcee this year), and Taliesin Wolf (who’d come down to judge the Mr. Third Coast Leather contest). I’m not sure exactly how we got on the subject, but as we were chatting, somebody mentioned Anglicanism, and after comparing notes, we discovered that Dirk, Talie and I had all been raised in the Episcopal Church.

Thing is, when cradle Episcopalians get together, no matter what their current religious convictions or career paths happen to be, they immediately start debating the merits of the Rite 1 vs. Rite 2 Eucharists. We were embroiled in the traditional discourse before we knew it, with Dirk pointing out that in addition to its old-timey language, Rite 1 includes more music. To exemplify, he began singing: Specifically, he began singing the Lord’s Prayer.

Dirk: [in a lovely baritone] “OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN, HALLOWED BE THY NAME…”

Me: [suddenly remembering the melody] “THY KINGDOM COME, THY WILL BE DONE…”

Dirk and I stopped for a second and looked at Taliesin.

Talie: [a tenor] “ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.”

Me, Dirk, and Talie: [in unison] “GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD, AND FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES…”

Ben: “…”

Me, Dirk and Talie: “AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US. AND LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION…”

Ben: “

Me, Dirk and Talie: “BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL. FOR THINE IS THE KINGDOM…”

Me: “AND THE POWER.”

Talie: “AND THE GLORY.”

Dirk: “FOR EVER AND EVER.”

Me, Dirk and Talie: “AMENNNN.”

Ben: “I… I don’t understand why this is happening to me…”

And that’s the story of how a couple of adult entertainers and I broke my Jewish boyfriend with Gregorian plainchant. Der Suf.

PS: We went to a karaoke bar later that evening, where Ben obliterated the rest of us with his choreographed renditions of “Poor Unfortunate Souls” and “I’m Still Here.”

IMG_2019-10-14_00-15-51
One two kick turn, heel toe kick turn.

He is a keeper. And one of the Chosen. Win/win.

One thought on “We probably should’ve sung it backwards, just to fully confirm that we’re going to hell.”

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