You’re Going to Say I Should’ve Said What Everyone Else Said I Should’ve Said

Straight Girl: [pointing at a display of socks] “Socks.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Straight Girl: “Socks.”

Me: “… Yes. Those are socks.”

Straight Girl: “How much are they?”

Me: “$6.99.”

Straight Girl: [grinning seductively] “And how much are they if I show you my boobs?”

Me: “$6.99.”

Straight Girl: “…”

And then I rolled my eyes and went to help other customers.

I told this story several times throughout the night, and while amused, everyone from the doorman to the bartender to the manager critiqued my response in exactly the same way.

Me: “… and then she was like, ‘And how much are they if I show you my boobs?’ And I was all, ‘$6.99.'”

Them: “You know what would’ve been funnier? If you told her $15.00.”

Me: “Damn it all to hell.”

The new rule at Ripcord is that if a heterosexual wanders into the Forge and gets mouthy, I am to send an emergency text to everybody on duty, so that they can come running and throw efficient shade for me. I sincerely appreciate the support, but it also kind of feels like I’m getting picked last for gay dodgeball.

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