Boss: “Hey, look who’s back! How did the periodontist appointment go? How do you feel?”

Me: “I feel like I now have a pretty good idea of how long I could hold out during an interrogation.”

Everyone Else in the Staff Meeting: “…”

In retrospect, I probably should’ve just given a thumbs up and acted like my mouth was still numb.

In Which There’s a Will

[The Misfits have gone to Dallas to attend Ruby Slipper 2019, and Dean, Noah and I are sharing a hotel room. Dean and I are up and about and getting ready to head to the Hidden Door for brunch; Noah is still asleep.]

Me: “Noah, it’s time to get up.”

Noah: [unresponsive]

Me: “We’ve gotta leave in like 15 minutes.”

Noah: [still nothing]

Me: “Noah, seriously. Get up.”

Noah: [not even sure if he’s even breathing tbh]

Me: “Hey, Noah? There’s an old man downstairs with a bad heart and money.”

Noah: [sitting straight up in bed] “Wait, what?!”

Sometimes, I worry that I’m not a very good club president. But then I think about all the psychology electives I took in college, and I start feeling a lot better about my leadership capabilities.