Straight Girl: [pointing at a display of socks] “Socks.”
Straight Girl: “Socks.”
Me: “… Yes. Those are socks.”
Straight Girl: “How much are they?”
Straight Girl: [grinning seductively] “And how much are they if I show you my boobs?”
Straight Girl: “…”
And then I rolled my eyes and went to help other customers.
I told this story several times throughout the night, and while amused, everyone from the doorman to the bartender to the manager critiqued my response in exactly the same way.
Me: “… and then she was like, ‘And how much are they if I show you my boobs?’ And I was all, ‘$6.99.'”
Them: “You know what would’ve been funnier? If you told her $15.00.”
Me: “Damn it all to hell.”
The new rule at Ripcord is that if a heterosexual wanders into the Forge and gets mouthy, I am to send an emergency text to everybody on duty, so that they can come running and throw efficient shade for me. I sincerely appreciate the support, but it also kind of feels like I’m getting picked last for gay dodgeball.