Bar Patron: “Do you know if John is coming in tonight?”

Me: “I haven’t seen him, but he might be around here somewhere.”

Bar Patron: “I just love him.”

Me: “He really is a great guy.”

Bar Patron: “He’s so big and strong!”

Me: “Both true.”

Bar Patron: “And he’s so sweet. He gives the best hugs.”

Me: “He is, and he does.”

Bar Patron: “He makes me wish I was gay.”

Me: “Yeah, he… wait, what?”

Bar Patron: “I mean, not the sex part. I don’t get gay sex at all. But the rest of it…”

Me: “…”

Bar Patron: “Anyway, if you do see him, tell him I said hi!”

I am so confused right now, you guys.

We all are, apparently.