Ben: “How’s your night going?”

Me: “HA HA HA YES WE SHOULD DEFINITELY HAVE TESTERS FOR THE DOUBLE SCORPIO AND I HAVE CERTAINLY NOT HEARD THAT SAME LINE 75 GODDAMNED TIMES THIS WEEK HA HA HAAAA…”

Ben: “…”

Me: “I may have a resentment.”

In an attempt to give me something constructive to focus on, Ben suggested I make a small, tactful sign for the register, which would hopefully circumvent any trite attempts at humor and/or wearisome questions. Inspired, I put pen to cardstock, and a few minutes later, I had an array of informative options ready to go:

I feel back in control of my life already.

PS: Ben’s concept for a sign was, “One in 10 Double Scorpio bottles contains an actual scorpion. Please understand our refusal to open them in the store.” This is why he’s the idea guy.