Party Flavors

[A group of five preppies bustle into the store and crowd around the counter.]

Preppy 1: “Do you sell gum?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t.”

Preppy 1: [clearly disillusioned] “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “I do have some mints, though. Would you like a mint?”

Preppy 1: “Ooh, I would!”

[I hand him my tin of mini Altoids, taking one for myself first.]

Preppy 1: “Thank you!”

Preppy 2: “May I have a mint too?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer 2: “Thanks!”

[The other three preppies ask if they can also have mints. I nod affirmatively, and they pass the tin around until everyone has imbibed of the winter-fresh goodness. And then…]

Preppy 1: “Wait. Are these just mints?”

[Preppies 2-5 glance over at him, then turn and look at me with mild concern.]

Me: “WELL, I GUESS WE’RE ALL GOING TO FIND OUT IN FIFTEEN MINUTES, AREN’T WE?”

[They freeze.]

Me: “Kidding! I kid. They’re just mints.”

Preppies 1-5: “…”

Me: “Sláinte?”

I feel like this might be one of those times when I think I’m funnier than I actually am. But hey, at least they learned an important lesson about accepting candy from strangers. And also about the social necessity of disposable toothbrushes.

Author: Thumper (MJ)

Thumper Marjorie Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a devout Discordian, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public

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