[A conversation between myself and my sponsor, which occurred while I was notarizing some documents for him.]

Me: “So I was having lunch with this guy the other day…”

Sponsor: “Was it a date?”

Me: “Oh, Lord, no. He’s profoundly not my type.”

Sponsor: “Profoundly? So he’s emotionally available and lives in the same city as you and has a job?”

Me: [death glare]

Sponsor: [cackling with glee] “I mean, who else gets to say shit like that to you?”

You know what my biggest fear is? That my sponsor is going to somehow stumble into a Misfits business meeting and be like, “Wow! An entire brotherhood of people who say shit like that to you! Count me in!” And then I’ll have to leave the leather community and become a Presbyterian minister or something.

The next time he asks me to notarize stuff, I’m going to write “I don’t know her” across the signature line.