Not even the pipe cleaners. Especially not even the pipe cleaners.

Customer: “So you’ve got some pretty serious competition these days.”

Me: “Oh?”

Customer: “Yes. You can get all of this at Walmart.” [he opens his arms wide, indicating all of this.]

Me: “Ah.”

Customer: “Yep, all of this.” [He notices a set of sounding rods in one of the display cases.] “Even these! You can find these at Walmart now.”

Okay. I will freely admit that Walmart does sell colored bandanas, which may well cut into our hanky sales — in fact, I have a navy blue hanky from Walmart that sports a cunning gray stripe down the middle. And I will also own that I have not ventured very far into Walmart’s website, so for all I know, they sell harnesses. Or at the very least handy leather straps that can be fashioned into one.

That said… guys, please don’t stick anything you find at Walmart into your urethra. Even if it looks kind of soundy. I don’t ask for much, but I am going to make a stand on this issue. Thank you in advance for your compliance.