Age Before Electric Youth

[A conversation between myself and my Misfits brother Noah.]

Noah: “What do you think of my outfit in this picture? I feel like it’s quintessentially my style, but it’s not getting the reactions I expected.”

Me: “Hmm. It looks like the Devil showed up to claim Debbie Gibson’s soul and decided to make fun of her clothes first.”

Noah: “I… don’t know who Debbie Gibson is.”

Me: “I know.”

Noah wouldn’t give me the picture to post here, but trust me when I say that anyone not wearing polymer horns over a pork pie hat is missing out on the fashion trend of the century. Plus it’s a more accessible, family-friendly look than the gas mask and platform boots he wears to bartending nights. I’m just saying the boy is versatile in more ways than one.

And “foyer” rhymes with “Baphomet.” Language is weird.

Robert and I knew we weren’t properly equipped to deconstruct all the details of the Noodles & Beef horror show, which is why, on last night’s Facets of Leather, we brought in actual smart person Ty Lerman to help us get our brains around the situation. Oh, and speaking of horror, we debuted an exciting new segment — tentatively titled “This Week in Impotent Rage” — which was basically just ten minutes of me ranting about the Satanic Temple suing Netflix. Probably not my finest moment, but at least I processed my feelings honestly. I’m sure Ty approved.

The unsinkable Orin Slade also graced us with another amazing photo collage, this one serving as an effective reminder that I really need to pay more attention to what I say on the radio:

OrinSlade11.11.18

Robert handled the music selections this month, and he thoughtfully included the following homage, which is currently enjoying an unexpected renaissance in the Houston Leather Community. I hope it gives you as much pause as it did a bunch of drunk gay men when Carlisle snuck it onto the Ripcord jukebox.

Pavlov’s Shut-off Valve

Afternoon Drivetime Radio Guy: “Next week’s Blue Norther could possibly bring the first freeze of the season…”

Me: “MOTHER OF SHIT.”

Inner Me: You don’t work in community management anymore. The pipes to literally every townhome in Houston could burst, and not a damn one of them would be your problem.

Me: “FUCK YEAH, LEATHER WEATHER.”

Perspective is everything.

The secret ingredient is love. Or a prescription-strength antihistamine. One of those.

How to give me an anxiety attack in three easy steps:

1) Be my dad.

2) Call me on my cell phone in the middle of the day to confirm that I can’t take personal calls at work, and to double-check that you should only try to reach me on my cell in the case of a life-threatening emergency.

3) Repeat as necessary, or until desired results are achieved.

In related news, did you know that Advil PM can have the same effect on the human brain as Xanax? I can’t remember where I read that, although according to WebMD, long-term use of diphenhydramine (the active agent in both Advil PM and Benadryl) is linked to memory loss and dementia. Awesome. I won’t know what day it is, but I won’t be sneezing or panicking, I can tell you that much.

ETA: WebMD also says I have shirt cancer. Thoughts and prayers, please.