Customer: “I want to tie someone up.”

Me: “Great!”

Customer: [blank stare]

Me: “…”

Customer: “I want. To tie. Someone up.”

Me: “And I’d be happy to help with that. We’ve got several rope options right over here, so let’s see if we can find you some–”

Customer: “HA! I’m just kidding.”

Me: “… Ah. Yes. Ha.”

Okay, so his particular brand of comic styling left me “unimpressed” and “wanting to close early,” but I always try to be supportive of struggling artists. And at least he’s got a framework that can be adapted to any situation:

At the car dealership — “I want. To buy. A hybrid.”

At the bakery — “I want. To eat. Some pastries.”

At the free clinic — “I want. To get tested. For syphilis.”

If anything, perhaps he’s just one of those visionary savants whose genius will never be recognized in his own lifetime. I’ll bet he knows exactly how it feels to be Emily Dickinson.