Customer: “Could you help me find something?”
Me: “Sure. What are you looking for?”
Customer: “I really want an Eagle Houston T-shirt.”
Me: “…”
Customer: “Nothing embellished or anything. Just a plain, solid color T-shirt that says ‘Eagle.’ Do you have something like that?”
Me: “No. We don’t.”
Customer: “Really? Why don’t you have those?”
Me: “Because you’re in Ripcord.”
[long pause]
Customer: “Oh. Right.”
Guys, you know I don’t judge, and in fact this one time, back when I still drank, I got lost in a Dillard’s and couldn’t find my way out – like, I had to call a (very concerned) friend to help me navigate to the exit. But at least I knew I was in Dillard’s, y’know? I wasn’t stumbling around looking for Nordstrom memorabilia.
Be aware of your surroundings, people. And learn your leather bars when you’re sober. This is my life-saving advice to you.
Marjorie's Forgeries 
This seems to have been a thing lately. I recently saw a video where some woman was all upset because she was trying to order a burger and fries in Taco Bell, and they wouldn’t give it to her. The gall of those Burger King people, ya know.
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The second bar to the right
Darkens with shade so rare
And if it’s punishment you seek,
The bar will lead you there
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