I mean, I always assumed I’d end up on a True Crime show, but this is not how I pictured it.

Me: “Hello! How’re you?”

Customer: [incoherent mumbling]

Me: “Ah. Well, let me know if I can help with anything.”

Customer: [incoherent] “Sex…” [incoherent]

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: [incoherent] “… have sex with…” [incoherent]

Me: “I… didn’t quite catch that.”

Customer: “Tonight…” [incoherent] “… sex.”

Me: “… Oh. Right, then.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: [creepy grin]

In conclusion, I may or may not have just unwittingly signed off on my own unfortunate demise. Somebody please start flipping through my Facebook profile pics and decide which one would be the most flattering on the side of a milk carton, and in return, I’ll leave you something pawnable in my will.

Author: Thumper (MJ)

Thumper Marjorie Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a devout Discordian, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public View all posts by Thumper (MJ)