Mat: “A week in Chicago! Lucky you! It’s one of my favorite places to visit. What all will you be doing there besides competing?”
Me: “Well, Thursday through Sunday will be nothing but the contest, but the following Monday and Tuesday are open for suggestions.”
Mat: “The Museum of Surgical Science has some stuff you can’t unsee…”
To be honest, all I really know about Chicago comes from the iconic musical and the movie Candyman, so other than IML and a pilgrimage to the Leather Archives & Museum, my only agenda item is saying “Velma Kelly” five times into my hotel room’s mirror to summon Catherine Zeta-Jones and see if she’ll let me touch her Oscar. But I’ve spent the morning looking up other weird shit to do around town, and I’m very happy to report that “weird shit” is to be taken literally.
Marjorettes, I give you the Shit Fountain.
My favorite thing about the sculpture is that “Shit Fountain” is carved into the side of the basin, as if a giant mound of bronze defecation isn’t identifiable on its own. (I’m imagining a bunch of stymied tourists going, “It reminds me of something, but I just can’t put my finger on it… it’s right on the tip of my tongue…”) Hopefully, a passing dog-walker will let me borrow a Chihuahua to pose on top of it, so I that I can snap some amusing pictures and be all, “My God, what did you let him eat?!”
Surgical oddities and metal poop aside, what are some other can’t-miss attractions? We’ve already got an Anish Kapoor Bean in Houston, and I’d rather stay well the fuck away from that particular feud, but I’m willing to hit any other curiosity Chicago has to offer. Just tell me where to go, and I’ll totally send selfies to prove I was there.