Dean: [pointing out the window as we drive past a parking lot] “Hey, isn’t that your ex’s car?”

Me: “Yep.”

[We drive on in amicable silence. A few minutes pass.]

Me: “Let’s go back and pee on it.”

Dean: “Jeez, dude. Are we feeling a little bitter?”

Me: “LIKE THE HERBS ON A JEWISH TABLE AT PASSOVER.”

Although truth be told, I wasn’t feeling bitter at all.

I was feeling petty.

Dean has a lot to learn about the subtle complexities of my self-destructive emotional states.