True Colors

Customer: “Soooooo, I’m a starter.”

Me: “A… starter?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you saying that you’re new to leather?”

Customer: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “And you’re… looking for where to start.”

Customer: “Yeah. I want to be considered dominant.”

Me: “In that case, the best place to begin will be with the Hanky Code.”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: “See all these hankies? Each color represents a specific sexual interest or fetish. If you want to be seen as dominant, you’d wear your hanky — let’s say a gray one for bondage — in your back left pocket.”

Customer: “OMG bondage?!”

Me: “Or maybe a black one for S&M.”

Customer: *gay gasp*

Me: “It doesn’t have to be one of those particular colors, though. Orange, for example, means–”

[Without warning, a drunk customer wobbles in from the bar.]

Drunk Customer: “(mumble mumble) leather pants (mumble)?”

Me: “We have those in the main store. It’ll be open tomorrow at noon, if you want to drop by then.”

Drunk Customer: “(mumble) ‘kay, thanks (mumble).”

[He pats me on the shoulder and wobbles out.]

Me: “Anyway, as I was saying…”

Customer: “Um, I’m going to have to come back later. The conversation you just had with that guy was awkward, and it made me uncomfortable.”

And then he ran away.

I’m kinda thinking he’s not quite ready for dominance.