Inside Voices

Customer: [gesturing to one of the two men accompanying him] “WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT I CAN USE TO LEAD THIS ONE AROUND? HA HA HA HAAAA…”

Me: “I’m afraid we’re fresh out of leashes.”

Customer: “NOT THAT IT’D DO ANY GOOD. THEY’RE GONNA DO WHAT THEY WANT ANYWAY, AMIRITE?”

Me: [noncommittal smile]

Customer: [gesturing to both men] “NEVER TAKE YOUR HUSBAND AND BOYFRIEND SHOPPING AT THE SAME TIME.”

Me: “Sage advice.”

Customer: “DO YOU SELL POPPERS?”

Me: “Nope, just solvents and polish removers.”

Customer: OH, THAT’S RIGHT! SOLVENTS! HA HA HA HAAAA…”

Customer’s Boyfriend: [pointing at the display next to the counter] “OH MY GOD, LOOK! THEY SELL POPPERS HERE.”

I can only imagine how tranquil family dinners at their place must be. The husband never said anything himself, but I assume that if he’d so much as opened his mouth, all the glass in the shop would’ve shattered, which would’ve been irksome. Thanks for keeping mum and saving me the cleanup, Gay Black Bolt.

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