Customer: “So… I’ve been talking with one of your co-workers…”
Me: “Okay…”
Customer: “I told him that I want to learn more about [whispering] dark spirituality. And he suggested I speak with you.”
Me: [that sideways head thing dogs do when they’re confused]
Customer: “So maybe you and I could discuss [whispering] dark spirituality sometime?”
I’m not quite sure why he felt the need to whisper, considering he had no problem asking if we carried “alligator clips for tits” a couple of minutes before. Nor do I have any idea what he means by “dark spirituality,” although my guess is that he’s looking for an NC-17 interpretation of Wicca versus anything related to Jungian shadow work or Luciferianism.
Either way, I’ll be happy to share whatever knowledge I have with him, even if he’s going to come away disappointed when I don’t offer to initiate him into the Sordid Underworld of Ritualistic Naughtiness. And on the off chance he’s an actual, earnest seeker, I’ll of course do whatever I can to be of assistance.
But secretly, in the back of my brain, here’s how I hope things play out (click to embiggen):
Marjorie's Forgeries 
I imagine him saying “dark spirituality” in that super intense PSA voice, followed a clap of ominous thunder in the distance.
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Best. Chick. Tract. Parody. *Of all time.*
Dude was whispering because he thought the Old Ones were listening. They totally were; he will understand this eventually.
Also: He probably thought you had the Lament Configuration cube hidden under the counter. Happy Friday!
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Oh, but I keep the Lamentation Configuration hidden in plain sight…
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(*^_^) JOY. ABSOLUTE JOY. Hahaha!
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I have a lost puppy who keeps messaging me on facebook, wanting me to teach him the “powerful secrets” of Druidry so he can “master Druidry and magick”. I feel like he’s looking for something like the ritual out of Eyes Wide Shut instead of what essentially is a bunch of dorks getting together to pray and pour booze in a fire.
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Remind me to tell you about the guy who was going to decide where he wanted to live based on whether or not I would teach him British Traditional sex magic…
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Took me a bit, but I remember what this reminds me of. A while back, there was a Tecate Light radio ad, where every time someone said “Tecate Light”, an overdub of a deep voice was used, no matter the speaker.
–B.
PS: …would you care to experience my…Dark Heroin?
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