Straight Girl: “Oh my God, this place smells so good.”
Gay Best Friend: [to me] “It’s her first time in a leather bar.”
Straight Girl: “I LOVE THAT MERRY WIDOW. Birthday. October.” [She marches out of the store.]
Gay Best Friend: “…”
[Ed. Note: Although he said nothing verbally, the look on his face read, “I have no idea which garment she was pointing at, I am not entirely sure I know what a merry widow actually is, and even if I did, I could’ve sworn her birthday was in December.”]
Me: “We also sell gift cards.”
Gay Best Friend: “Oh, thank you.”
Another common law marriage saved. I should really start billing for partnership counseling.
Marjorie's Forgeries 
I’m not a fan of merry widows. Or anything with cups, really. I’m disproportionately endowed, so unless I spend my tuition money on something custom, they never fit right. I am all about the underbust and waist cinchers, though. I’m partial to anything that looks like the world’s most uncomfortable belt.
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Amen to that. They’re made for a B cup only, even in plus sizes, yet they somehow make them look like they can fit models who have larger breasts in the ads. It’s a frustrating challenge!
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The glorious and evil power of Photoshop.
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