Customer: [holding up a pair of rubber shorts] “Could you try these on for us?”
Customer’s Friends: [anticipatory leering]
Me: “You want me to put these on?”
Customer: “Yesss.”
Me: “Sorry, I can’t do that.”
Customer: “Really? You won’t let us see you in them?”
Me: “Nope.”
Customer: “But how will we know how they fit if you don’t wear them for us?”
Me: “By trying them on yourself.”
Customer’s Friends: [defeated wincing]
Customer: “Oh. But I… that is… we… oh.”
Good game, Mr. Smarmy-Pants. But check and mate.
Marjorie's Forgeries 
Let me see if I can fill in the blanks left by those ellipses:
“Oh, but I… just wanted to sexually harass you in your place of employment, where you can’t escape. That is… because you work in an adult retail establishment, we have no respect for you as a human being and want to objectify you as much as possible. We… are total scumbags. Oh.”
I dunno, I think I’m at least in the ballpark.
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Survey says…? DING DING DING DING DING.
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but can you model the rubber shorts for us? cause I just want to see you in rubber shorts. But if not, that’s okay too. totes your choice.
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It’s nice when they give me both options.
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