Customer: “Hi, I just need a bottle of poppers.” [to his boyfriend] “Which poppers would you like?”
Me: “We actually don’t sell poppers.”
Customer: “You don’t?”
Me: “We don’t. But we do carry solvents and polish removers.”
Customer: “OH. Right.” [to his boyfriend] “Which not-poppers would you like?”
Part of me wanted to backhand him, but considering all the “Definitely Not a Raffle” ads I’ve created for Misfits fundraisers, I’ll just give him a respectable B- for effort.
Marjorie's Forgeries 
I’d like the jungle juice polish remover and solvent please and thank you
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I referred to the woman my ex-husband was dating for several months (but “she’s not my girlfriend”) as “Not-a-Girlfriend” since he refused to tell me even her first name. #controlissues
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I mean, I want to be snarky about this, but honestly? Those exact words would come verbatim out of my mouth in that same situation.
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