It was the 70s. Everyone was doing it.

Me: “Your total today is $10.80.”

Customer: “Oh! Random story.”

Me: “Sign here, please.”

Customer: “So this one time, years ago, I went to the bathhouse, back before it was at the new location.”

Me: “Uh huh. Could you sign here for me?”

Customer: [not signing] “I hooked up with this guy who’d rented one of the big rooms. You know, with the mirrors and everything? So we’re going at it, and then, right in the middle of the sex, he tells me he can astroplane.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Do you know what astroplaning is?”

[Inner Me: Just say yes just say yes just say yes.]

Me: “… No.”

[Inner Me: Goddamn you.]

Customer: “It’s when you can leave your body, and see the world outside yourself.”

Me: “Oh, that’s actually called–”

[Inner Me: [GAY GLARE]]

Me: “I mean… that’s very interesting.”

Customer: [finally signing] “Anyway, he didn’t do it. Have a good night!”

Okay, first of all, total letdown that he didn’t do it. That aside, you know what would’ve been awesome? If, after he’d described “astroplaning,” I’d gone, “Ah, yes! I can astroplane, too!” and then closed my eyes and collapsed and started snoring.

I’ll bet that would’ve made him sign.

ETA: My boss just read this post and was like, “You should’ve said, “I can astroplane, too!” then stuck your arms out and run around the bar making airplane noises.” This is why he’s the boss.

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