Customer: “What’s this?” [holds up pocket flag]

Me: “That’s a pocket flag. It serves the same purpose as a colored hanky.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. What’s this?” [holds up pin strap]

Me: “That’s a pin strap. Some people don’t like poking holes in their bar vests, so they put their run pins on leather straps instead and clip them to their belt loops.”

Customer: “Huh. And what’s this?” [holds up baggie of PVC pin backs]

Me: “That’s black tar heroin.”

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: “PIN BACKS. Those are pin backs.”

Customer: “…”

So before the rumors get too out of hand, let me just say that yes, I am in fact selling black tar heroin for the low, low price of $2.99 per serving. (Is “serving” the word I’m looking for?) Anyway, it’s pretty much the deal of the century. Tell every model you know.